I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
