that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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