Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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