Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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