he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
