I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
