dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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