nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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