Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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