I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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