so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
