I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize