You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
