I must be too annoying 4 u.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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