How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize
