Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
