My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
