I think I died a long time ago.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
