Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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