i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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