so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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