Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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