I wish life had little blips of pornography
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
