Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
