Well apparently he's into motor boating.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize