no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
