I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
