I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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