I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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