I wanna passion pit in your ass
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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