you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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