why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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