Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Quick, to the slutcave!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
