4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
