did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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