Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
