Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
All I want is dick and wine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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