I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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