and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
