im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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