You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
