i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
