Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize