thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
