I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
