This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
