they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize