I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
