One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
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Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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