thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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