Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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