I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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