It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
