that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
