Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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