I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
