Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
