just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
