I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
