whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
