so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize