sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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