somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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