You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
