I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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