Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
