i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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