its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
