what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
