Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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