At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
