The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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